The Value of Taking "Responsibility" of your Life.
"The Value of taking Responsibility for every situation in Life"
What does the word "Responsibility" mean? How is the answer to all of life's experiences built into that word? How will understanding and embracing this one word CHANGE your Life?
What does that word "Responsibility" break down to in syllables? "Response" and "ability". This points toward the notion that with every situation that arises in Life, we all have the "ability" to "respond"... either from a place of "Victimhood" or from Inner Authority to what responses you will provide to any given situation. Either way... you always choose your response to any given situation. Though, are you consciously aware of your response and its potential consequences?
The opposite of that is "responding" from a "Reactionary" state of mind that is drawing from an illusionary past memory of some kind of situation that settled into the subconscious mind as a "future" "something" that you want to avoid. So, we are "Re-enacting" a past memory, in the present moment, or projecting an assumed future, instead of living in alignment with the present moment "as it is".
This is not living in the present moment and responding to life as it arises. It is living in the past and going about life reacting to everything, because maybe we are stuck in a past trauma loop that we are not able to work through, or we are projecting assumptions onto the present moment which is rarely FACTUALLY true about the present moment experience... unless we create that assumed experience for ourselves.
For example, you could ask a new relationship partner "What would you like to eat tonight for dinner"... and they could say "I don't know, you choose". Then, unknowingly, you choose something that they don't want to eat. Even though you don't yet know them well enough to know what they like to eat... they don't think of that and say " YOU ALWAYS DO THAT! Why do you always choose something I don't want to eat?" Even though this is the first time you have ever asked them for a food preference.
This may be a kind of extreme version of what I am pointing at here. Though, to some degree or another, we are all doing this all the time. Especially when it comes to any kind of emotionally charged situation or experience. Various forms of relationship do this all the time, drawing on previous dramas, projecting them into the current present conversation, and "rein acting" that "drama", or projecting an illusionary drama onto the other person. Even though that particular situation that they are emotionally charged by never happened, or happened months or even years ago, it may not even be the same two people in that situation that triggered that fear, or left the emotional wound that would warrant that reaction.
These are examples of "Re-acting" that most, if not all of us have experienced. The point is that any time we look into our past memories to respond to any given situation in the present moment, what we are doing unconsciously is pulling upon past experiences or assumed future outcomes, "copy and pasting" them onto the present moment, and "re-in-acting" those experiences.
The idea is that rarely we are actually taking accountability of our responsibility for those past experiences, so that we can move past them and be in the present moment for what it is. When we can take in all of the information of the present moment, without projecting some kind of past/future experience onto it, we can be "able" to "respond" from a grounded emotional place that can provide a proper response or decision, in that moment, that will provide us with a better outcome or circumstance than the previous experience or assumed experience.
Imagine having a great conversation with someone, and all of a sudden, they completely shift into an emotional state, and the conversation falls apart out of nowhere (from your view), just because you expressed a particular word or phrase that "triggered them" into a past experience that they were unconsciously "re-living" or projecting through you. Even though, more than likely what you were saying was taken completely out of context or had absolutely nothing to do with the memory/future illusion they were re-acting to in that moment, that trigger dominoed into an emotional reaction that destroyed the flow of the interaction. Now, unfortunately, that trauma experience they had from their illusion is now associated with you.
Unfourtunatly, we all do this. For those of us that have not learned how to let go of our past emotional situations or creating fearful assumptions about the present moment to see it for what it is, instead of what you assume it to be. Taking "responsibility" and accountability of your reality in every situation is allowing forgiveness toward those that played a role in emotional scars that you carry and learning what there was to learn about ourselves in those moments (Our strengths, weaknesses, emotional attachments, un-realistic expectations of others, etc.). Reacting is from perceiving life from past experiences, presuming is living from a projected future that you either fear or desire... pending on your patterns of mental states.
It's a shift from "Victim" to "Victor" mentality of our past experiences and realizing that presumed futures are always an illusion, based in attachments to outcomes. It seems so much easier to point the finger at the outside world and say... "It's all your fault that I feel this way"... "that my Life turned out this way"... etc. Though, the reality is, the only person that is accountable for your emotions, thoughts, feelings, expectations, responses, and "Life" is you, unless you CHOOSE to give that authority away to someone else, whereas you have no right to blame them for it because you CHOSE them to make your decisions for you. When we all begin to see our reality in this way, there is a vast amount of freedom and opportunity for growth, healing, and evolution that comes from integrating these understandings into our experience of Life.
The reason I bring these more Subconscious aspects to the forefront of taking more and more responsibility of our life is to understand why we have a hard time taking responsibility and accountability for our lives and the lives of others that we are Responsible for. (Those that have CHOSEN us to be their care takers.)
Taking responsibility requires courage, making decisions and sticking to them, weather they succeed or fail. And if they fail, taking accountability of those decisions and learning from them. Acknowledging that we are never "Victims" to the external world. The "Victim" mentality is just a way of releasing all of your power/authority to the external world, and saying "you took my power from me". When in reality, no one can ever do that without your permission to give it to them.
It could look like this. Say you have a coin... and you say to another person "I don't want this coin, because I don't want to be accountable for how I spend it, what happens if I lose it, nor do I want to know that I have it." This is a way of seeing the power, responsibility, and accountability that comes with being a sovereign human from birthright. So, some of us give it away, due to fear, anxiety, worry, doubt, etc... and some of us take a hold of it and create the lives we think we want to live, or at least do our best to as we learn, evolve, and move closer towards living the life we want to live.
Don't get me wrong, I am very aware that now a days... a lot of people spend a lot of time trying to take power away from other people without accountability. I would suggest that is because they themselves carry more emotional baggage, fear, anxiety, etc. than they know what to do with, or have not been taught to let it all go and the power/ growth that comes with "Accountability".
Something to look out for here is that most people that play the Victim if you are a caring person, to become the Victor over you, then use the power (coin) you gave them to control you. Making you the Victim... because they themselves aren't willing to take accountability of their past mistakes and felt like a victim at points in their life experience and wanted to take back that power they think lost in their past from you. Not realizing... no one can ever "Take" it from them... unless they "Give" it to them.
This points towards learning how to discern others. Learning how to let go of our strong attachments towards outcomes, desires, fears, doubts, and assumptions about life and other people in it. The key is to learn how to negotiate your "power" and holding others accountable for their agreements in each moment. It can be seen as a kind of "Trade", when making agreements with others. Either way, the idea is to be fully present with every trade, staying grounded in the "present moment", and responding to each situation from a place that has considered outcomes to their responses, and has consciously chosen their preferred response to any situation.
Though, back to taking Responsibility of our lives. Responsibility is being able to Own that coin ... and say... I have this coin, and I will let you borrow it for this coin you are offering me. Holding others accountable for their agreements, being able to let people go that do not hold to their agreements and taking your power back... asserting some form of agreed repercussion if agreements are not met.
Any time someone abuses the power you give them over your life experience, emotional vulnerabilities, or how your life plays out... we all have to learn the art and value of letting those people go. This is the only way we can teach them that being that way is NOT OK! and hopefully they will learn that everything is always a 2-way street... and they will not get what they want by deceiving others. It might be a short-term strategy. Though, always has long term consequences that are rarely worth the price.
So, stand up and take charge of your life! Learning how to be "Response Able" has been one of the most empowering lessons I have learned towards being able to create the Life I desire to live. Learn that any time you need to make a decision or respond to an external comment or request. If you have any kind of "Feelings" about the situation or feel some kind of fear, doubt, or insecurity about the situation... take a moment to ground that emotional energy, reconsider the comment or request in a way that aligns with your desired outcome and be "able" to "respond" from that place and create your own life.
Like all negotiations (trades of the coins) it is always a give and take. Though, if you are emotionally unstable, you may end up giving everything, without really receiving anything in return. That is how other people use your power to create their lives.
Take back your Power, Acknowledge your Sovereignty and Authority in each moment... and LIVE FREE!